Faizan Ahmed

Introduction For months I searched for a specific reason. A single event, a particular failure, something tangible enough to point to and say, “That’s why it all happened.” “I never found it, and for a long time I thought it meant I was missing something obvious about myself.” I looked at the last year almost … Read more

Introduction I remember the morning I was sitting in my car outside the office and couldn’t open the door. He was fully dressed. I had my bag. My coffee was in the cup holder. I had about 11 minutes left until I sat down at my desk. And I sat there for 40 hours, staring … Read more

Introduction My wife once asked me quietly and carefully if I still loved her as I used to. It was not an accusation. It was a real question, asked by someone who had seen that this love that was once easy now seemed laborious, and who had no way of knowing why. I remember the … Read more

Introduction For a long time, I believed that depression was just an extreme version of sadness, which remained completely within the realm of emotions and willpower. One therapist I spoke to finally gently but firmly corrected this assumption in our first session, and changed the way I thought about all my experiences. I remember asking … Read more

Introduction The moment I realized something was really wrong wasn’t dramatic. It was Tuesday morning, standing in front of the kettle, unable to decide whether I wanted tea or coffee. It’s not because he was indecisive. Because making that small decision required as much energy as I didn’t have. I stood there for as long … Read more